Breakup : when reciprocity becomes a luxury

You’ve probably said it out loud or at least thought it really hard : "I just want someone who gives as much as I do." And often, that realization hits after a breakup. A real one, the kind that crushes you from the inside, that leaves you drained. You gave, you hoped, you believed… and in the end? You’re left alone, replaying the entire story in your head.

In an unbalanced relationship, reciprocity becomes a luxury. You’re there giving your energy, your time, your heart…while the other person does the bare minimum, or worse: nothing at all. Or maybe they toss you crumbs when it suits them. And you, you still hope things will get better.

1. When it breaks, it's not for nothing

A breakup isn’t just “it didn’t work out.” It’s often the end of a big illusion: the one where you thought that by loving hard enough, by always being there, by forgiving everything… it would eventually pay off. But no. Because love isn’t some loyalty program. You don’t rack up points to finally earn respect.

If the person in front of you can’t show up, can’t listen, can’t honor you, can’t choose you, there’s nothing to build on. And if they’re surrounded by a toxic circle hyping them up to run from responsibility, to ghost you, to play the victim, or act like some untouchable prince or princess…Then it’s not even a breakup, it’s a liberation.

You can’t build a solid relationship with someone who lives for likes, external validation, and the chaos of their entourage.

2. Toxic love wears you down

You can love someone and still destroy yourself in the process. When you’re the only one making an effort, fighting, carrying the relationship on your back… you end up empty. And that’s when you realize you weren’t in a couple. You were on a mission.

You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to save themselves. And you can’t expect respect from someone who doesn’t respect themselves or who uses others to fill their own voids. Narcissism, ego, manipulation… none of that mixes well with love.

And yeah, sometimes the breakup hurts, but it spares you from digging deeper into concrete. You’re hurting, but you’re free again. It’s tough, but it’s real.

3. Take the reins back

After a breakup, instead of asking “Why did they leave me?”, ask yourself the real question:“Why did I accept so much? Why did I let so many things slide?”

Because you thought that’s what love was. Giving without counting, hanging in there, being patient. But you forgot one key thing : love takes two. It’s not a casting call with one person giving love and the other consuming emotions.

Reciprocity isn’t a bonus. It’s the foundation. You deserve someone who listens to you, chooses you fully, not someone who keeps you on the back burner while they explore all their options in various forms.

4. If you're in the thick of it right now...

If you’re in pain, feeling the void, struggling with a sense of injustice, it’s hard, but you’re not alone. And more importantly : you won’t stay in this state. The pain? It passes. What you went through isn’t proof of weakness. It’s proof that you’re human.

Now it’s time to refocus, reconnect with yourself, and reset your standards.

In summary

Loving someone doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself hoping to be seen. It means moving forward together, with respect and reciprocity. Sometimes, a breakup isn’t an end, it’s the start of your personal comeback.

At Paragon Conseil, there’s no judgment. We listen. We help you put things back into perspective. We offer you a 30-minute consultation, no strings attached. Because sometimes, one real conversation is worth more than a thousand motivational videos.